


New Strategy

by deird1



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen, season: a3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-15
Updated: 2009-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 19:57:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deird1/pseuds/deird1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wolfram & Hart - putting the "pal" back into "municipal contracting".</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Strategy

"Bill."  
"Another bill."  
"Letter from Fred's parents."  
"Ooh! Catalogue!"  
"Another bill…"  
Cordelia was sitting cross-legged on Wesley's desk, going through the mail.  
"Bill…"  
"And yet another bill…"  
"And another… What's this?"  
She opened it curiously, and lapsed into silence as she began reading.

Gunn and Angel continued putting their weapons away, enjoying the quiet.  
It had been a long night. The infestation of Gur'goluuk demons had been larger than they'd thought, and it had taken hours for them to destroy all six nests - by which time they had both been extremely slime-covered. Still, all they had to do now was return the last couple of swords to the cabinet, and they'd be able to get some sleep. Finally.

"What the _hell?!_"

Cordelia's indignant shout reverberated across the lobby, and Angel grabbed the nearest axe and raced into the office.  
"What? What is it? What's wrong?"  
She looked up, disgusted, and held out the flyer. "Read it. Just… read it."

It was glossy, brightly coloured, and had a picture on the front of some men in suits, smiling benignly.  
Gunn looked over Angel's shoulder, and they both started to read.

* * *

A New Firm For A New Era!

Are you sick of working on the boring cases, just to pay the bills? Annoyed by the endless trips to back alleys and sewers? Tired of fighting a fight you know you can never win?  
Worry no more! We're here to help!

Just pick up that phone, day or night, and our resources will be at your disposal!

If there's a nest of vampires too vicious for you to take on alone, our wet-works team can tackle it for you.  
With their dedicated work, the entire neighborhood can be cleansed in under an hour!

Creditors getting you down? Our hardworking employees will cheerfully ensure that they're banished from this dimension, to the world of your choosing!

Or if you need to check a prophecy, we'll be ready to resurrect the original seer so that you can ask them _personally!_

Even prior convictions are no problem for our experienced team of attorneys. Any relatives convicted of tax fraud could be back to living a life of luxury tomorrow, with just one simple blood oath.  
Remember: if we own their souls, we'll take CARE of those souls!

And if those gypsy curses are cramping your style, just call our Enchantment And Mystics Department.  
One simple modification will have you socializing with the best of them - brooding-free!

JUST CALL ON YOUR NEW BEST FRIENDS

_Wolfram &amp; Hart: putting the 'pal' back into 'municipal contracting'_

* * *

"This is a joke, right?"  
"Not at all."  
Lilah looked up, bemused. "You seriously sent them this?"  
He raised his eyebrows. "Do you see a problem?"

She put the flyer back on his desk, and started talking very slowly and clearly. "Gavin, I'm not sure if you've noticed this, but… we're kind of _evil_. Actually - we're _very_ evil. And I realise it might be a difficult concept for someone who's spent the last few years in real estate, but we don't actually want to be friends with Angel. Our main goal? Is to _make his life miserable for the rest of eternity_. It's really not that hard."  
"Our _goal_ is corruption. Bringing Angel's team over to our side."  
"And this was the best you could come up with?" she asked sarcastically.

Gavin smiled smugly. "It's never been tried."

"Yes, and that's-" Lilah stopped, annoyed. "You know what? _I'll_ spend my time looking into complex new mystical techniques for inflicting psychological torture on a central figure in apocalyptic prophecies… you go send your new _friend_ a gift basket. I hear he likes roses."


End file.
